Monkstone Pétanque Club

From the pen of our cub reporter (and resident comedian) – Mike Jones

Are you sitting comfortably?   Then I will begin.
Once upon a time, in a land not that far, far away, there existed four clans. Usually they lived in happy harmony, sharing companionship, happiness and supportiveness. However, there were times when the clans would clash. Each time they would meet on neutral territory called ‘The Gravel Pistes Of Penylan’.
In recent weeks, the clans had fought on several occasions, using nothing more than extra-large ball bearings and a solitary wooden sphere. Any injuries inflicted were psychological and not physical (unless Keith is pointing!!). It’s a rule of combat.
The clans would fight with dogged determination to win each battle. No quarter would be given. They battled for pride, dignity and a prize of undeniable beauty. (A photo of El Pres you ask?? No!!! A gleaming trophy!) Putting the heads of defeated leaders on spikes has been dispelled with due  to prevailing attitudes in present- day society!
The final battle would see Monarchs (a group brought together by their ability to know nothing about everything and everything about nothing!) take on the Minotaur clan (a group brought together by their mythological beliefs of superiority, charm and self-importance!). Definitely myths!!!
The confrontation was of extreme importance to Monarchs. They had suffered many a psychological blow in recent weeks and were playing for pride. Minotaurs had already inflicted sufficient defeats on others to claim the ‘Champions of the Clans’ title/trophy.
So it was that the two clans ‘squared up’ to each other on Wednesday  13th at 6.30pm. Monarchs chose to ignore the arrogant, smug, complacent swaggering of Minotaurs, focusing totally on nothing other than a conclusive victory to ease their anxiety.
The battle began. Roger Griffin strode towards Bernard like Randolph Scott in ‘High Noon’!! Bernard stood impassively, like Terry Scott in ‘Terry and June’.  Roger tossed the coin, but Bernard knew it had a head on both sides! Bernard called “Tails!”  Honestly!!!
Bernard had the expert aid of Amanda (aka ‘ The Blonde Assassin’). Roger was partnered with Keith (dressed more appropriately this week). Monarchs got off to a flier, going 5-0 up after two ends. Bernard & Amanda were not to be overawed and came back with really good pointing from Amanda to 7-7. Then came the pivotal moment!  Holding one, but with four Minotaurs boules nestled within 20cm of the jack, Roger & Keith had four boules in hand with Minotaurs out of boule. A chance for five! How to approach the challenge? Keith stood at the head, peering down at the dilemma. In fact, he was motionless for so long you could have spray painted him silver and put him in the city centre with an upturned cap in front of him!!!! Shoot the jack? Hard point to open a channel? Shoot out some opposition boules? The crowd waited, and waited, and waited, and waited. Decision made! “We will take the ONE!”   WHAT???  WHAT???  WHAT???   The two international players plummeted in the crowd’s estimation. Twenty minutes to decide to take ONE!! Could that decision come back to bite them on the posterior? As luck would have it, they spared themselves blushes (and regular verbal abuse) by taking the game 13-8. Phew!!  Good pointing and shooting by both teams.
The other game had Tony & Sean battling Peredur (aka ‘The Silent Assassin’)  & Vickie ‘I want that measured’ Adshead (affectionately known as ‘Cycloptic Vickie’ due to the extra eye in the centre of the forehead used for measuring). A good start saw Minotaurs take a 2-0 lead. Some bad luck saw Vickie push the jack giving 4 to Monarchs. At 7-2 Monarchs looked comfortable but Minotaurs were not done with yet. A fight back ensured a tight finish. Very good pointing and shooting from both teams put the score at 10-10. Who wanted this the most? A classic shot by Sean took a 2. Only 1 needed. Again, an unlucky point saw the jack hit outside the string and with Tony holding one boule in hand, victory was taken by Monarchs 13-10. A good win contested with a high skill level by both teams.
With Monarchs leading 2-0 in games, Minotaurs were going to ‘ fight to the end’ to try and get a draw and so the next games began in very cold conditions which saw your reporters joints seize up and eyesight deteriorate.
Roger & Keith played well but were evenly matched by Vickie & Peredur. It was a cagey affair moving from 3-0, to 3-5, to 7-7, to 9-9. A good run of pointing by Keith to within a few cms. of the jack and complimentary shooting by Roger gave them a 13-9 win. At 3-0 in games, Monarchs had achieved the victory they yearned for.
In the final game, Tony & Sean raced to a 5-2 lead. However, clever pointing and shooting gave Bernard & Amanda a rush of points to 10-5!! They were never going to relinquish the lead and Minotaurs ran out comfortable winners at 13-7 to avoid the whitewash and salvage some pride.  Well done to both teams. Special mention should be given to Amanda. As a fairly recent convert to the game, she has made stellar progress with her pointing, and has been consistent and enthusiastic, playing against seasoned players. Well done! Keep it up!
That’s it from me. Hope you all enjoyed the competition. I thought it was a great success.  “We  will take the ONE!”  Really???  Unbelievable!!
Until my next report:          Adios Amigos.

FINAL 2020 SUPER LEAGUE TABLE

Marauders and Meteors wrapped up their Super League season tonight when Marauders were looking to consolidate the runners-up spot whilst Meteors were looking to finish as they started by taking the scalp of another team from a higher WPA division.

The match got underway with Marauders, Gareth & Michelle, taking on Meteors, Ben and captain Judith, playing her first game of the season. Meteors started well and moved into a 4-1 lead thanks to a crafty point from Judith which moved the cosh and gave them 3. Marauders soon fought back for a lead of 6-4. Although they were always in touch, Meteors could not quite catch Marauders and at 10-9, MIchelle produced a fine display of pointing to take the game 13-9. In the other game Marauders, Phil & Mike Cranston, were up against Gill Greenwell and Ian. The game had a cagey start, when at 4-3 to Marauders , they took a 4 for 8-3 and then continued to pile on the pressure to run out comfortable winners by 13-3.

In the reverse pairs, Gareth & Michelle raced into a 5-0 lead but were immediately pegged back when Ian & Gill took a 4 to make it 5-4. Marauders turned the screw and prevented Meteors from taking another point before sealing the win at 13-4. The highlight of the game was at 8-4 when with Marauders holding and 5 boules within 15cm of the cosh, Gill managed to produce a bouncing shot which picked out the Marauders boule from the middle of the group and left Meteors on. The final game was a real cat and mouse affair with Marauders, Phil & Mike coming back from 0-3 down to lead 4-3.  Meteors, Ben & Judith came back again and started to edge ahead from 5-5 to 11-9. Unfortunately at this point the wheels fell off the Meteors game when Ben managed to shoot out Judith’s boule leaving Marauders on 3 and Phil pointed in for a fourth to take the game 13-9. It seemed to be a feature of this game with both teams shooting out their own boule more than once. Marauders had run out 4-0 (52-17) winners and confirmed their runners-up spot in the Super League.

From the pen of our cub reporter (and resident comedian) – Mike Jones

The scene was set for battle. The gladiators entered the arena ready for a crucial contest. Monarchs needed a win while Marauders wanted scalps! The arena was packed with screaming, chanting and mentally disturbed spectators (well it would have been if not for Covid restrictions!!). Monarchs had carefully chosen their weapons. Tony had a trident, Mike chose a curved sword, Sean a net and shield and Keith, a frilly pink, ‘off the shoulder’ number from Primark! The Marauders had chosen 3 boules each!! The weather was unpleasant but the camaraderie was obvious to all.

The games began with cagey, careful play, neither team prepared to show their hand too early in the match . Monarchs, Mike J and Sean, played Marauders, Gareth and Michelle, and from 3-3 to 7-7 no breakthrough was made. With good play from both teams, the game was going to be tight. Then Monarchs gained an 11-8 lead but Marauders were not done with. A disastrous end saw Marauders take a 5 to snatch the game. A good game won well. Mike J and Sean wiped away the tears to watch Tony and Keith in combat with Phil and Mike Cranston.

Unfortunately, the game stood at 11-4 to Marauders so more tears appeared in Mike J and Sean’s eyes. However, not put off by good pointing from Mike C. and good shooting from Phil, Monarchs grabbed a 5 to make it 11-9. Marauders were not to be outplayed and managed to take the game 13-9. A very good game with skilful Petanque from all players. Now 2-0 down, Monarchs were playing for their pride.

The games continued into the dark, wet night. Mike J and Sean played ‘cat and mouse’ with Phil and Mike C. With the game at 4-4, it needed something special. Well, that didn’t materialise, so the game continued with Monarchs eventually sneaking 1 or 2 on the next few ends to get to a 4-11 lead and then 6-12.   Surely, 1 point was not beyond them.   Well!!   Some good pointing and shooting saw Phil and Mike C. grab a 5! (Oh no! Deja- vous from the first game!). At 11-12 it was toooooo close for comfort. Up steps Phil with a clever point to take the 2 needed to make a miraculous comeback and win 13-12. A great game and a worthy win.

Discarding the curved sword, net and shield, Mike and Sean trudged dejectedly to watch their teammates and it was some comfort to see that they were winning 11-4 at the time. Marauders, Gareth and Michelle, however, were still fighting and gained a good 5 on the next end. (What is it about the Monarchs conceding 5 this evening???). At 11-9 Monarchs turned the screw to win 13-9. Another good game , a feature of the entire evening.

A deserving win for the Marauders at 3-1 with overall points for the match a draw at 45-45. Well done everyone, a good match to be part of.  Monarchs failed in their bid to take it to the final match of the  Super League and congratulate the overall winners, Minotaurs, on their success.

For those who are interested, the Monarchs team have decided to seek medical help. Tony and Keith are setting up a ‘ double- act ‘ as – ‘Rulez ‘R Us’, Sean is becoming a monk and Mike is taking up darts (who said he will probably miss the board!!!).

Well it’s adios from me and adios from all the voices in my head!!!

Note from Webmaster – I want some of what Mike’s on! 

They thought it was all over …………… well it isn’t yet. Minotaurs went into tonight’s Super League fixture against Meteors knowing that a win would see them crowned champions. All looked set fair for unbeaten Minotaurs with Meteors coming off the back of two consecutive 0-4 reverses. But things don’t always go to plan.

In the first game, Minotaurs Bernard & Pred were up against Meteors Gill G and Ian B-S. Minotaurs started slowly and were having difficulty gauging the piste. After three ends they were 0-5 down but still considered they could pull things back.  In the fourth end things got a whole lot worse when, with Minotaurs holding but out of boule and Meteors having 5 boule in hand, Ian attempted to shoot the Minotaurs out, hit the cosh out into open territory, with the boule he had just played following it, leaving Meteors holding 2 and a vast open space to point into, which they duly did for 6. Minotaurs couldn’t complain as they had benefitted from something similar in their match last week. Leading by 11-0, Meteors pressed home their advantage and closed out the game 13-2.

In the other game, Minotaurs Vickie & Rose took on Meteors Norman and Keith T.  The scoreboard was ticking over with neither team gaining any great advantage but with Minotaurs leading 9-8 they managed to find a bit of form and ran out 13-8 winners for a match score of 1-1 at the turnaround.

So into the third game, Bernard & Pred took 1 point in each of the first 5 ends and it was looking as if it would be long drawn out game. In the next end, however, they took 4 and it was then a long way back for Norman & Keith. Minotaurs then took another 4 ends to complete the job, taking the game 13-1. The score, however, did not really reflect the game with 10 ends being played and Minotaurs taking  just 1 in 7 of them.   

The Final Game

Minotaurs hopes of wrapping up the league title all hung on the last game between Vickie & Rose and Gill & Ian.  The game seemed to be slipping away from Minotaurs when they found themselves 2-6 down but with some good play they managed to pull back to 6-6. After another couple of ends Meteors held a slender 9-8 lead which was a prelude to a nail-biting finish. Minotaurs levelled the scores again at 9-9 and then took a 2 for a lead of 11-9. On the next end Meteors levelled the score at 11-11 but were then Minotaurs were faced with tough decision. They were holding 1 with three boule in hand and 4 Meteors boules surrounding theirs all tight up around the cosh. A stray boule could quite easily have left Meteors holding 2 or even 3, so Minotaurs decided to take 1 to give them 12-11 lead. In what proved to be the final end Meteors managed to take 2 after some good pointing from both players, giving them the game 13-12 and giving Meteors a well earned draw in the match, dashing Minotaurs hopes of settling the title. Minotaurs were left wondering what would have happened if they hadn’t taken the 1 in the penultimate end!

For Minotaurs, the title is still in their own hands needing 1 point from their final fixture against Monarchs next week – unless Monarchs fail to beat Marauders tomorrow, which would hand the title to Minotaurs. Monarchs also have the title in their own hands but need to win both their last 2 games to pip Minotaurs to the title.